Wednesday, February 22, 2012

EMOtion.... My Closure...

Something i wrote....

"Do I deserve to be here? To exist in this world? Am I just a test from god saying that I shoule be put under a looking glass to be mocked? A chokehold meant to not loved, or adored, or cared? Or should I deserved to be ignored? Is this existence of mine ment to no longer be gain recognition? Or just passed on like it never existed? Like another pasing fade unless something that is important to one that does not care needs something and then is ignored once again?. Should I have to follow and endless cycle of remaining a cellophane despite my unique of a name? Am I doomed to be passed by without a glance no longer? Should I bleed till nothing left to trickle and empty? Will I still be passed by? If my flesh burned, do I deserve to die? If I have hurt one’s heart, should I deserve to be treated like shit? Is it what I deserved from either one or all? I wonder. The days I say I should not exist, when one or many people don’t realize their ability to ignore is making it happen more and more. Its because of this, my request of death forever exists."

if you ever have time, Please listen.

Will stop bugging you since i realize it's getting annoying. plus realized you don't like my pages and posts anymore.


Monday, February 20, 2012

Heartbreak and Recovery...

As many of you may not have known, my "Dating Relationship" with "Sakuya" was ended on Valentine's Day.
if your friends with me on facebook, you may have seen the mental damage it left me, if not, don't bother. don't like bringing it up at times.
in any case i did release #VampireLife the same day, (how ironic i did the project for her and it was now considered a waste.)
and while it turned out as i hoped, it seemed like more of a waste of the time since she ended it with me.
I loved her too much, and became too obsesssive of her.
i don't hate her, i just wished i got another chance.
but i can't.
so with that i took it pretty hard for a few days. and with the last week, i started writing again. funny enoough, Melvin Burch released a couple of instrumental gems and one caught my eye.
wrote the song in about two days.

Now about the song..


While i did do #Vampirelife in honor of my former Beloved, "EMOtion" does directly relate to her, the only difference is that it deals with the current aftermath i have to deal with because of ending our "dating". i won't go into detail about it cause it's private in some ways. Now i don't know if she listened to #VL , but i don't think she would want to listen to "EMOtion" due to the negative and emotional expression i put into it. but in a way, i do feel somehow she should hear it. i'm confused on wheither or not she should. (many of you i know say that i SHOULD let her hear it, lol) but i will come to that desicion when i complete recording it.
i felt like this record had to be made to make a fitting closure of our "dating" (we technically never had a relationship, because we were "trying things". So that's why it was also never public.) i don't want to bring up more on it, but for those who i feel should hear it will. (Brittany, you being the first.) but i will let you know.
i actually to be honest never expected to go back to the music so soon, cause while we talked, she was my motivation for my music. if it was not for her, "TWATYM" & #VL would have never seen the light of day. Deadass.

To Sakuya, i know you said we should not talk of it, but i had to do the record in order to gain closure. i'm glad we are still friends at least. but know i will let you go, but i still will keep a small part of you near me. cause your strength gave me strength. thank you.

#EMOtion By Yoku Masaki Produced By Melvin Burch.
coming Friday.

*Jurai Or Die*