Thursday, June 9, 2016

More miscommunication. or Maybe im insane.


Every-time i try to do something not intended to be negative it ends being exactly that. and i hate being someone asking for notice on that but it always seems lie im begging for attention. when in reality thats not what i want to be, this is why being depressed and in physical pain to myself seems the route to go at times. because i don't have any solution. nothing else usually helps and therapy only does so much. you look at me as if im being this "Woe is Me"type of characteristic. im not trying to be that at all. im more like "give me something to stop me feeling this way" so that i don't make you feel like you're walking on eggshells. 

i feel like i'm more of a psycho. because no one understands me and they interpret my mental state as either insane or stupid. 

see that picture on this post? i've been referred to this character for years. YEARS. it hurtful, it's Sad, It's Depressing and yet i have felt this was a mark on me for years. 
i still get bullied of being similar to this character. whats worse is sometimes the people who once called me friends have done this to me even my relationship issues have been destroyed because of my insulted affiliated. 
this is why i will forever speak out of my disability. because no one has to go through this travesty. 

i was not sent here to be treated this way. because of who i am. 
it's not okay. 
and i feel like everyone feels it is when it's not. it's never okay.


*Jurai Or....*


Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Problems with My Mental Health: Miscomunnication

One of my troubles is the fact when i write something its hard to tell what or how i am addressing it to people without body language. if i said something That's a compliment, my written comment would be mistaken as a insult. becasue of either the choice of words i write it out as or the way it was addressed written. its my hardest issue since growing up and being less social. for example, recently i told a model her work was well done since she had started to shoot her own photos just by using a old phone camera, i addressed to her in writing, that for someone to be using an old camera phone to take very well done pictures, she was very talented, and that perhaps when she has a DSLR she can take even more well photos.
unfortunately she took it as an insult. I  hate when times like these it's hard for me to address compliments, confessions, and sometimes attraction or even jokes, when it seems like the words i choose are not in a right order to be taken either positive or good in general when im trying to be. it's sad because most times i used to be negative and the worse thing is because i am in my emotions alot it makes me sad heavy when people start being angry with me when it happens. its as if i was told i am the "Worst friend ever" to my face and i can't stop hearing it.
I've even dealt with relationship opportunities being damaged because of this situation. i once told a girl who liked me about something that ended up to her sounded insulting when it wasn't, and because of that she stuck me back in the rejection area.
it's sad that when i try to say something logical, it comes out as insulting. when i make a compliment, it comes out negative. when i try to be positive in words, it turns out to sound like hate. 
please try to understand it wasn't my intent if you make that assumption. but also please ask me if anything what i mean. becauae when you think i am bein anything negative, im really not.
other wise i will definatly be silent as i once were years ago.

*Jurai Or Die*

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